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And so I'm leaving again

I firmly resolved that I wouldn't cry (at all) when I left home. Thought I was doing quite well and was superr proud of myself because I was just leisurely and calmly reading "Robinson Crusoe" before the plane took enough (wanted to read the full unedited version, unlike the oversimplified one we studied in secondary school :D). *BUT* as soon as the engines of the plane began to roar loudly, and we ascended into the air - wham! - it hit me that I won't see all these amazing people for awhile. I looked and looked at the view from my window until I couldn't see any sign of land anymore, as if I was trying to permanently etch the aerial view of my favourite place in the world in my memory. :P Sigh, so much for not crying. I noticed the poor guy sitting next to me on the plane immediately and awkwardly shifting his line of sight from the window when "Abigail's waterworks" was activated (I had the window seat you see). Hahahaha.. maybe I should have added "sound effects" to just see how he would react. :P

I've just been SO BLESSED by my family/friends during my holiday back home, it felt like a "5-star rest-stop" on this hectic, difficult journey that I've been on. :-) It's so hard to have to leave again but as a friend of mine pointed out, my security shouldn't be placed in people or even a place, it should be rooted solely in God. Me responding so despondently and fearfully towards leaving is already a tell-tale sign that my security hasn't been derived from the right source.

So maybe, God really didn't intend to harm me with all that's taken place or to completely suck the joy out of life. I think it's time that I come out of my hidey-hole - a place where I've had very poor reception with God, and difficulty taking God at His Word. A place where my fears and the Devil have shouted so loudly, it's dimmed God's voice.

And as I come out of this cave, choosing to stand and believe in His promises, though I may not see immediate and wonderful demonstrations of God's power in the wind, fire and earthquake, I will be confident that I will find Him in a gentle whisper. Simply because He is CLOSE BY. (: And His presence is ENOUGH - whatever comes my way.

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