"My heart is so proud, my mind is so unfocused
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done
And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me
And hold me as my Father and mould me as my Maker.."
I was just listening to the lyrics of "Grace" by Laura Story, and it prompted me to talk with God about the things He's been teaching me the past few months. Here it is :)
Dad,
What could you be doing in my life right now apart from teaching me to not find my worth in success - academic, career and financial success?
When better to teach me than at the start of my career?
But this success addict is finding it so hard to let go of what has given me a sense of worth so much of my life. I never realised how much importance I placed on it until it became nearly impossible for me to succeed and the possibility of failure is becoming so real.
I thought You abandoned me and so I got really angry at You and stopped doing what my renewed heart loved doing the most - talking with You.
Even so, like Hosea waited for Gomer, You waited for me to come back to You. And when I did, what did You tell me to do? "Just be honest with me Abby, I desire truth from the depths of Your heart - tell me how you really feel about things, even about me." To be honest Dad, being able to be blatantly honest with You about what I think of You and what You are doing in my life has opened my eyes to the depths of Your mercy and love. By Your sacrifice on the cross, You allowed me, who deserved complete and eternal separation from my Holy and Loving Father because of my disobedience towards You, to tell You how angry I was at You.
I'm still in the trial. I wrestle with You, accuse You of abandoning me and ask why You aren't keeping the promises You have made in Your Word. Deep down, I know they're true and I just want to give You a hard time. And You answer my question by telling me to keep on asking You for them because You're teaching me perseverance right now. Slowly, You are refilling my heart with more and more confidence that You are a good, good Father. For weeks and weeks I have clung on to this truth to get me through each day, as I faced the fear of failing, the fear of becoming nothing since success was everything to me. Your assurance was deep. It stood in stark contrast to the shallow and fleeting assurance success gave me when it was still within my grasp.
For the first time in a long time, my heart (not just my head) was responding and yielding to You. I love You, Daddy.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done
And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me
And hold me as my Father and mould me as my Maker.."
I was just listening to the lyrics of "Grace" by Laura Story, and it prompted me to talk with God about the things He's been teaching me the past few months. Here it is :)
Dad,
What could you be doing in my life right now apart from teaching me to not find my worth in success - academic, career and financial success?
When better to teach me than at the start of my career?
But this success addict is finding it so hard to let go of what has given me a sense of worth so much of my life. I never realised how much importance I placed on it until it became nearly impossible for me to succeed and the possibility of failure is becoming so real.
I thought You abandoned me and so I got really angry at You and stopped doing what my renewed heart loved doing the most - talking with You.
Even so, like Hosea waited for Gomer, You waited for me to come back to You. And when I did, what did You tell me to do? "Just be honest with me Abby, I desire truth from the depths of Your heart - tell me how you really feel about things, even about me." To be honest Dad, being able to be blatantly honest with You about what I think of You and what You are doing in my life has opened my eyes to the depths of Your mercy and love. By Your sacrifice on the cross, You allowed me, who deserved complete and eternal separation from my Holy and Loving Father because of my disobedience towards You, to tell You how angry I was at You.
I'm still in the trial. I wrestle with You, accuse You of abandoning me and ask why You aren't keeping the promises You have made in Your Word. Deep down, I know they're true and I just want to give You a hard time. And You answer my question by telling me to keep on asking You for them because You're teaching me perseverance right now. Slowly, You are refilling my heart with more and more confidence that You are a good, good Father. For weeks and weeks I have clung on to this truth to get me through each day, as I faced the fear of failing, the fear of becoming nothing since success was everything to me. Your assurance was deep. It stood in stark contrast to the shallow and fleeting assurance success gave me when it was still within my grasp.
For the first time in a long time, my heart (not just my head) was responding and yielding to You. I love You, Daddy.
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