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Searching for acceptance

To be quite honest, sometimes I get just a little irritated (I'm sorry God for using this word, but this is how I feel sometimes) at God because there are so many things I can't do as a Christian with my friends.. and sometimes I think:
- "Oh, if only, I could say some swear words and not use my 'wholesome' Christian lingo all the time, I'll be more accepted." 
- "If only I could drink like a fish like all my other friends while I'm playing that drinking game so that I can join in the fun."
- "If only I didn't have to think twice about going clubbing."

I've always been someone who really seeks to be accepted, since I was a kid, I've always wanted others to approve of me. And even now, although God has previously shown me that knowing Him just doesn't match up to anything this world can offer and that I should not conform to what everyone thinks is "socially acceptable/admirable" (see Romans 12:2), I sometimes lose sight of what's really important. I get tired of being labelled as the "good Christian girl". 

But when I think about it, there's a greater purpose behind all this and I don't want to do all this just because I need to follow this set of rules my religion tells me to. If I'm giving up being accepted just for the sake of following a set of rules, it's just not worth it - I want out because being accepted is a big deal to me, especially when I'm already finding it hard at times to fit into this Western country so far from home.

I suppose on the outside, to others, when I restrain myself after my second, third glass (well, whenever I feel I'm starting to feel more than tipsy), it appears that I'm just following a set of rules and I'm missing out on a lot of fun and I don't really have a life or know how to enjoy myself, but what should really concern me the most is what's happening on the inside not what others are thinking of me. Yes, I am following a set of rules - but those rules were set by Someone I love and respect and revere far above anything - He is my Best Friend, my Guide, my Hope, my Strength, my Refuge, my Saviour, my King, my Lord, my Comforter, my Creator. For someone like me who is a nothing, He gave up everything for - He gave up His only Son to die for us and raised Him to life so that all humankind may have hope after death. So..... His commands should not be burdensome!

Once you know God, no level or form of acceptance from any individual can ever compare to knowing Him. A lot of my teenage years and occasionally in my young adulthood, I've lived for acceptance.
But as children of God we don't live for acceptance, we live from acceptance (see Romans 15:7).
We don't need others' approval because each of us are already approved by God. 'nuff said :)

Comments

  1. E9:29 pm

    I feel the same way! Very well put dear!

    ReplyDelete
  2. faithnoodles8:14 pm

    not. easy. but worth it eh :) thaaank yoooouuu <3

    ReplyDelete

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