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Process

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2

 The "all" catches my eye. Not be "kinda joyful", not consider it all pain or all sorrow or all dread, but "all joy". Why such a hard command, Dad? Yet I know while I can't even find a shred of joy in this situation, Your Spirit in me will help me and enable me.

 When you face "various kinds" of trials, not just the less mortifying stuff or the more short term stuff, but a nice wide array of them.

 Why? Because the process we go through during these trials tests our faith. By the way, I got an "E" on that faith test. I've learnt that I'm one great doubter which has made me unstable in all I do. Yeah, and these trials have shown me that I was in this life for myself way more than I was for God, seeking God's hand only so my life would be fun and easy, and not Him.

 But in that place of complete helplessness and discouragement, with the tiny bit of faith I have - I come to God again. I've been going to my Dad to teach me and I'm loving His lessons. My early morning appointment-keeping history with Him is a train wreck. I've missed it too many times to keep count of, but He's never done that and never will. Even when I show up, I'm grumpy, distracted and I tend to say a couple of empty and routined words that I don't even mean. And just when He's about to tell me something important, I get up and leave. Still, He waits for me to come to Him to show me His love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18).

 Although He is so wise and is in the highest position of power and authority, He listens to my woes and heartaches so gently, patiently and compassionately. I'm also learning to stop yapping on so much and start listening to Him more now. He floods me with His comfort and gives me a greater understanding of what His Word says about Him. He's also provided people to teach, challenge, love and encourage me in this process. This deepening of my understanding of God's character has grown my faith so much. I'm still learning not to carry worry with me though. Once I pray to God about a matter, I give that matter completely to Him - that after casting my cares on Him, there aren't any cares left for me to carry! And I find myself just wanting (it's like all I really want) to know God more and more, better and better.

 Yeah, I think I'm beginning to learn to enjoy the process even though the trial isn't over yet. Thanks, Dad. *beams*

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