Safe

By Anthony Doerr, "All the light we cannot see"

And one cold Tuesday in December, when Marie-Laure has been blind for over a year, her father walks her up rue Cuvier to the edge of the Jardin des Plantes.

"Here, ma chérie, is the path we take every morning. Through the cedars up ahead is the Grand Gallery."

"I know, Papa."

He picks her up and spins her around three times. "Now," he says, "you're going to take us home."

Her mouth drops open.

"I want you to think of the model, Marie."

"But I can't possibly!"

"I'm one step behind you. I won't let anything happen. You have your cane. You know where you are."

"I do not!"

"You do."

Exasperation. She cannot even say if the gardens are ahead or behind.

"Calm yourself, Marie. One centimeter at a time."

"I'm far, Papa. Six blocks, at least."

"Six blocks is exactly right. Use logic. Which way should we go first?"

The world pivots and rumbles. Crows shout, brakes hiss, someone to her left bangs something metal with what might be a hammer. She shuffles forward until the tip of her cane floats in space. The edge of a curb? A pond, a staircase, a cliff? She turns ninety degrees. Three steps forward. Now her cane finds the base of a wall. "Papa?"

"I'm here."

Six paces seven paces eight. A roar of noise - an exterminator just leaving a house, pump bellowing - overtakes them. Twelve paces farther on, the bell tied around the handle of a shop door rings, and two women came out, jostling her as they pass.

Marie-Laure drops her cane; she begins to cry. Her father lifts her, holds her to his narrow chest.

"It's so big," she whispers.

"You can do this, Marie."

She cannot.

My reflections on this excerpt:

Isn't this such a beautiful excerpt? This quote from my new favourite book reminds me of my walk with Father God, how I falter and fail to trust Him so often and yet He's always there, my safe place, my refuge always. :')

I feel so afraid right now. I may not be physically blind like Marie-Laure, but I sure can't see how things will pan out with internships by the end of this year. Will I get accepted/ rejected? Will I be articulate enough? Will I have to move out of town? I am at the moment, like Marie-Laure, paralysed with fear, shouting at God, "I cannot" and I can't even bring myself to prepare for my interview because I'm so sure I'll fail.

Just a day ago I was full of faith, bringing Proverbs 21:1 to mind. How quick I am to fall to my face. How quick I am to forget that my Father is with me. I know, I must not idolize and value academic and job security over God. I want to learn to be content in whatever situation.

I want to learn to trust my Daddy to lead me to where He wants me to be, to work in me to will and to work for His good pleasure. Each time I fear, I will call out, "Papa?"

And He tells me: It's okay. I'm here. I'm one step behind you and one step before you - Isaiah 52:12. Get up, try and trust me again. I'm here. I'm always here.

I may not stumble over a bump in the pavement, but I may stumble over my words and I may not get selected. But that's okay and I'm gonna try and prepare for it anyway because I have You as my Father and you're here, right here. :)