Faith Noodles

By Antonio Machado (this is one of my FAVOURITE poems!!) Last night, as I was sleeping I dreamt - marvellous error! - that a spring was breaking out in my heart. I said: Along which secret aqueduct Oh water, are you coming to me water of a new life that I have never drunk? Last night, as I was sleeping I dreamt - marvellous error! - that I had a beehive here inside my heart. And the golden bees were making white combs and sweet honey from my old failures. Last night, as I was sleeping I dreamt - marvellous error! - that a fiery sun was giving light inside my heart. It was fiery because I felt warmth as from a hearth and sun because it gave light and brought tears to my eyes. Last night as I slept I dreamt - marvellous error! - that it was God I had here inside my heart.

Teehee this is my holiday reading list! Hmm, if I'm honest with myself, I'm being a bit too ambitious.. 1. The hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien 2. Thinking smart: Applying the theory of constraints in the development of thinking skills by Khaw Choon Ean 3. Dragons on the long white cloud by Professor Manying Ip 4. A praying life by Paul E. Miller 5. The fellowship of the ring by J. R. R. Tolkien 6. Ecclesiastes (The Bible) penned by (most scholars think) King Solomon, but inspired by God 7. A gift of stories: Discovering how to deal with mental illness 8. Experiencing psychosis: Personal and professional perspectives 9. Trauma and evil: Healing the wounded soul by Jeffrey Means 10. Assessing spiritual needs by George Fitchett 11. The minister as diagnostician by Paul W. Pruyser 12. Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island, Anne of Windy Poplars, Anne's House of Dreams, Anne of Ingleside, Rainbow Valley and Rilla of Ingleside by L. M...

I have been pretty low lately. Last week I cancelled three catch-ups with friends so that I could stay in my room and cry. Sigh. Put off writing my cover letter for another internship for an entire week. Dory is right. I must keep swimming! Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do? Marlin: No I don't wanna know. Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. Marlin: Dory, no singing. Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim. Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head. Dory: Sorry.

Ah, so I found out I didn't get one internship (the interview that I did better in). I haven't heard about the other one but I am really not holding high hopes because that was the interview I did really poorly in. I will find out by the end of today though! I have been so worried and down about not getting either of the internships these past few days. But yesterday and this morning, I don't know how to describe it, I feel like God is giving me the strength and perseverance I kept asking from Him. It hurts so much to hope and then not get what I hoped God would give me, but He is helping me to keep on placing my hope in Him. I think He is showing me what the psalmist meant when He said, "In Your presence, there is fullness of joy." The one thing that brings me the greatest comfort is that God is with me regardless of whether I feel it or not.. You are with me! This desert.. is showing me that I cannot trust in my career and abilities to do anything o...

I had another interview on Monday and that went so much better than the Friday one (except I didn't want the position as much as the Friday one). By this Friday, I will know if I get either position. I am just praying that God will prepare me especially if it's a "no" because I know I would find it really hard, but at the same time, I know He will give me the comfort and joy of His presence, and strength to keep applying for more. And if it is a yes, I should also pray that God will guard me against pride and to give Him all the glory. Even now, I give Him the glory for helping me not to despair as much as I did the last time I was applying for the clinical programme. Back then, I would probably be really really down, but this time, while I'm disappointed, there is so much comfort and security in knowing that under me there always will be His everlasting arms. Heart of my own heart whatever befall Still be my vision, O ruler of all

I just shortchanged myself in my interview today. I knew so much more than the waffly cotton candy answers I gave my interviewers. I found out that I was among the 3 of maybe 15 who were shortlisted. That was really encouraging, but I didn't give enough meaty answers for them to sink their teeth into. So close yet so far. Why Dad, why am I so bad at interviews? I prepared so hard and what I delivered was horrible. But even if I don't get this position and I might feel really sad, "underneath are Your everlasting arms!" After interviews I tend to beat myself up on things I should have or should not have said, but somehow God is guarding my heart and mind. A little bit of that is happening. But God is reminding me that self-knowledge is different from self-reproach. Self-reproach says I am an incompetent failure and I should quit trying. Self-knowledge (knowledge of myself in the way God sees me) is perhaps being honest with myself that my interviewers pr...

I got to the next stage for my interview :) And this is for a position with kids and teens. But instead of rejoicing, I'm crumbling in fear, and am preparing myself for failure. The past hour I have been re-reading and puzzling over Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You! Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal rock", even reading it aloud while emphasising different words in the verse, and asking God to help me trust Him, fix my thoughts on Him and give me His perfect peace because my heart feels like it is filled to the brim with fear. I want to protect myself from failure by remaining cynical, expecting failure, not even bothering to try and writing myself off as being "at the bottom of the heap" - but no, You want me to dream.. hope.. invest.. trust You.. rejoice in You, not trust in my own abilities, my way of coping with struggles (i.e., to run and hide) or my way of look...