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Turn that frown upside down


I just shortchanged myself in my interview today. I knew so much more than the waffly cotton candy answers I gave my interviewers. I found out that I was among the 3 of maybe 15 who were shortlisted. That was really encouraging, but I didn't give enough meaty answers for them to sink their teeth into. So close yet so far.

Why Dad, why am I so bad at interviews? I prepared so hard and what I delivered was horrible.
But even if I don't get this position and I might feel really sad, "underneath are Your everlasting arms!"

After interviews I tend to beat myself up on things I should have or should not have said, but somehow God is guarding my heart and mind. A little bit of that is happening. But God is reminding me that self-knowledge is different from self-reproach. Self-reproach says I am an incompetent failure and I should quit trying. Self-knowledge (knowledge of myself in the way God sees me) is perhaps being honest with myself that my interviewers probably see me as someone who is not as knowledgeable, competent, articulate and confident as the rest. But self-knowledge keeps rejoicing in God's care for me despite unfavourable earthly circumstances - God still sees me and cares for me as His beloved daughter regardless of how I do in interviews :') I thank You, Dad that no matter how well I do in interviews or in practical exams, "there is no moment when Your eye is off me, when Your attention is distracted from me and no moment therefore when Your care falters. This is tremendous relief in knowing that Your love for me is utterly realistic, based on every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion You about me, in the way I am so disillusioned about myself, nor can it quench Your determination to bless me. This is, certainly, great cause for humility.. and great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, He wants to be my friend, and desires to be my friend, and had given His Son to die for me in order to realise this purpose." - J. I. Packer

So, yes, I'm emotionally exhausted and discouraged that I didn't do as well as I could, but I still can move forward, persevere, rest in God and trust that God will open a door somewhere for me - that He already has the right internship planned for me, the right supervisor, and the people He wants me to serve next year. :) Humble me, Pa, let me know that every good gift comes from you and that I am not entitled to anything, everything is a blessing from You.

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