I got to the next stage for my interview :) And this is for a position with kids and teens. But instead of rejoicing, I'm crumbling in fear, and am preparing myself for failure.
The past hour I have been re-reading and puzzling over Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You! Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal rock", even reading it aloud while emphasising different words in the verse, and asking God to help me trust Him, fix my thoughts on Him and give me His perfect peace because my heart feels like it is filled to the brim with fear.
I want to protect myself from failure by remaining cynical, expecting failure, not even bothering to try and writing myself off as being "at the bottom of the heap" - but no, You want me to dream.. hope.. invest.. trust You.. rejoice in You, not trust in my own abilities, my way of coping with struggles (i.e., to run and hide) or my way of looking at things.
But what if I get rejected, Dad?
I still have You - and the man who has God and everything else has no more than the man who only has God.
Help me not to fear failure, Dad. Help me to fear only You. I have failed before and been rejected before, but You were greater than the immenseness of my emotions and strong enough to pull me out of the pit. You did not abandon me then and You will not abandon me now so please give me courage to put my hope in You :)
On my own, I feel so small and overwhelmed. But with You by my side, the scary fear of failure shrinks. You are in me and with me - and in Your strength, I can keep going, keep trying, keep risking, knowing that even if I fall, underneath are Your everlasting arms, You will catch me.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms!" Deuteronomy 33:27
"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave it with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. Remember, though we struggle against things because we are afraid of them, it is often the other way round - we get afraid because we struggle (to trust God). Are you struggling, resisting (total dependence and trust in God)? Don't you think Our Lord says to you, 'Peace, child, peace. Relax. Let go. Underneath are the everlasting arms. Let go, I will catch you. Do you trust me so little?'" - C. S. Lewis (brackets are words I added)
The past hour I have been re-reading and puzzling over Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You! Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal rock", even reading it aloud while emphasising different words in the verse, and asking God to help me trust Him, fix my thoughts on Him and give me His perfect peace because my heart feels like it is filled to the brim with fear.
I want to protect myself from failure by remaining cynical, expecting failure, not even bothering to try and writing myself off as being "at the bottom of the heap" - but no, You want me to dream.. hope.. invest.. trust You.. rejoice in You, not trust in my own abilities, my way of coping with struggles (i.e., to run and hide) or my way of looking at things.
But what if I get rejected, Dad?
I still have You - and the man who has God and everything else has no more than the man who only has God.
Help me not to fear failure, Dad. Help me to fear only You. I have failed before and been rejected before, but You were greater than the immenseness of my emotions and strong enough to pull me out of the pit. You did not abandon me then and You will not abandon me now so please give me courage to put my hope in You :)
On my own, I feel so small and overwhelmed. But with You by my side, the scary fear of failure shrinks. You are in me and with me - and in Your strength, I can keep going, keep trying, keep risking, knowing that even if I fall, underneath are Your everlasting arms, You will catch me.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms!" Deuteronomy 33:27
"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave it with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. Remember, though we struggle against things because we are afraid of them, it is often the other way round - we get afraid because we struggle (to trust God). Are you struggling, resisting (total dependence and trust in God)? Don't you think Our Lord says to you, 'Peace, child, peace. Relax. Let go. Underneath are the everlasting arms. Let go, I will catch you. Do you trust me so little?'" - C. S. Lewis (brackets are words I added)
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