Faith Noodles

I enjoy a good glass of wine. I don't pretend to be an expert in wine, but I do love the fruity and aromatic scents my nose detects as it hovers over my glass of wine and the balance of acidity with the right amount of sweetness as that smooth gorgeous liquid graces my taste buds. Jesus first ever miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. The couple had run out of wine and back in those days, not only was it a social embarassment to run out of wine, you could be penalised (legally) for not having enough wine to serve at a wedding and Jewish weddings went on for days. I was quite shocked to find out recently that it is estimated that the amount of water Jesus turned into "the finest wine" was 2,250 litres! :S As I am writing this, my thoughts drift to last Friday night as I was walking back to my sister's apartment. There were many people staggering about the streets, some were shouting at the top of their lungs and there was even a brawl that involved...

I have not blogged in such a long time. I guess blogging reminds me of writing my thesis, which to be honest, I haven't really enjoyed. Haha. Where am I now? I am (nearly) done with my doctorate - my thesis is due at the end of May, and I'm gearing up to submit it by then. Then, it takes around 6 months for examiners to mark it. In the meantime, I am looking out for possible jobs that I can apply for. It's exciting that I am nearly there. However, because this journey has been so rough and looooooong (much like the mountain I climbed over the weekend which left my thighs feeling quite sore), I feel less passionate than when I first started pursuing this dream of mine. The disappointments have been hard on this traveller's feet. I think when I first set out to pursue a career, I was caught between many things: what I wanted, what my parents want, what society expects of me, and what does God want. While I've been pursuing this career, I have been so focus...

So much has happened since my last post. I passed my clinical exams, the exam that I never thought I would pass, the exam that I put in so much hard work into. My exam went so well, the examiners had so few questions to ask me and they were happy with my assessment with my client. I left my exam (already) celebrating, certain that I would pass, thankful for how much better this process was then the last one. They say that the stress cycle consists of four stages (this is a very abbreviated version): (1) The alarm phase where you first encounter a specific stressor and your body releases a whole lot of cortisol (the stress hormone) to prepare yourself to cope with stress. We benefit from this as we become a lot more alert and ready to cope with whatever we're stressed about; (2) The adaptation phase is when our bodies start getting used to being in the alarm phase/ fight or flight for a prolonged period of time. Stress starts to have an impact on us - be it, making us more...

Make sure you read this again with your name in it :) God is such a personal God. We did this in church this morning, this is just so stunning. I stand in awe of You, Father. Isaiah 53:4-6 (personalised) Surely He took up Abby's pain and bore Abby's suffering, yet Abby considered him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for Abby's transgressions, He was crushed for Abby's iniquities; the punishment that brought Abby peace was on Him, and by His wounds Abby is healed. Abby, like sheep, has gone astray, Abby has turned to her own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of Abby.

I just spent three weeks in Europe with my extended family and one of my closest friends, all of whom I love to bits. I haven't seen one of my cousins for like 8 years and another friend for like 5 years? (I don't know how long!) I wasn't supposed to go, because I'm supposed to be writing my thesis and seeing more clients to prepare for my exam. I have been reasonably traumatized from all that's taken place (self-diagnosis: acute stress disorder with anxiety and depressive symptoms) and I felt like I really really needed to have a break. I really thank You, God, for this opportunity. I just felt like "I", not my uni, was in control of my time. Sometimes I just feel so "trapped", and I'm trying so hard to keep it together. And during those three weeks away.. I remember how it was to just be me, and not have to try so hard to meet the world's (or my uni's) expectations. I remember what it's like to just goof around and be sil...

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needing doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." C.S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity"

Every now and then, I still get down about how I failed my exam and stare listlessly into space as the date of my exam resit draws near. Sure, there are some things outside of my control that I can't change that may be making things harder for me. Other people, for example. But really, the only thing I have control over is my response. (Get ready, this future therapist is about to validate herself and normalise her response) If anything, it is so normal for me to feel this down, this frightened, this upset, this angry over all that's happened and given what's happened after. Is it reasonable for me to expect myself to find it easy, to sail through, to not get upset, to get everything right as I practice for my finals? No, that's quite unreasonable of me and these rigid standards are probably not helping me. I do need to give myself a break :) However, at the same time, I need to both give myself permission to find this hard, but also, I need to reach for God'...